Also it’s important to keep in mind a time limit.  If you keep the party moving along everyone is engaged and has fun.  One hour for young guests is perfect, 2 hours for older children works fine.   When children arrive, have a short activity ready for them while they wait for the other guests to arrive.  This could be creating their name card, decorating a chair, etc.  This gets them engaged and allows parents to get away without them causing a fit (especially for the shy ones).

After everyone has arrived, set the expectations.  Say to them, “Today we are having a tea party.  I want everyone to use their best manners. Do you know some good manners?”  Elicit responses, such as please and thank you, put your napkin on your lap, etc.  You can also say, “This is a special day, we are using real grown-up cups and saucers. I know everyone will be careful and act grown-up.”

If children are aware that this is a special tea party, and that they will be treated like adults, then they will act like adults.  I’m always amazed when I do a children’s event at my tea room. The children are extremely careful with their tea cups-they haven’t broken one yet!  They straighten their backs, hold their heads up high and use their manners. They know coming to tea is something special. Even their parents are often shocked at their children’s good manners.  Remember, always set the expectations.

Also it’s important to tell them the time-line of the party, first we will have tea, then open presents, then eat cake, then outside for an activity, then it’s time to go home.  If you give them the schedule, they will know what’s ahead and you’ll have fewer problems.  When children know what’s expected, they will be more apt to follow along.

I find it is always nice to give them a demonstration of tea party etiquette.  Demonstrate how to use the sugar tongs to put sugar in their tea, how to gently stir the tea, how to pour milk in their tea if desired and how to carefully hold the tea cup. If they are older, show them how to pour their own tea. Teaching them how to make a pot of tea can be a  fun activity. My son who is 9 is able to make tea all on his own (with an electric kettle).  He takes pride in making tea for me when I get home from the tea room.  I often have him demonstrate how easy it is to make tea during our special children’s events.  This gets the children very excited and by the end they all want to buy some tea to take home and make on their own.